


the monster mash

by lazyfish



Series: promptober [13]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Everyone else is in the background - Freeform, F/M, Haunted House
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 10:51:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21014579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazyfish/pseuds/lazyfish
Summary: Phil needs a more creative way to ask Melinda on a date.





	the monster mash

Phil didn’t know how he was put in charge of the haunted house for the company’s Halloween fair, but he suspected Melinda had something to do with it.

He wasn’t particularly savvy when it came to scaring people; he liked to walk out from dark corners occasionally, but that trick only worked so many times before the new employees learned to check the shadows to see if he was in them. He wasn’t a scary man, Phil didn’t think. He was unassuming, a man who liked to wear black suits and take vacations to tropical islands - and occasionally do something so dangerous it was fun. But none of that was designed to scare other people, just himself.

He was going to approach the haunted house from a different angle than Melinda was probably expecting him to. It was her fault for putting him in charge, after all - if she wanted something properly scary, she should have organized the haunted house herself.

Phil had a stable internet connection, a company credit card, and several underlings he would be able to persuade into helping him for the right price. He suspected the right price was going to be a hell of a lot of sugar and alcohol, but it would be a small price to pay. Because really, this haunted house wasn’t  _ just _ a haunted house - it was his opportunity to impress Melinda May, once and for all.

\---

“You’re serious about this?” Bobbi asked, a single eyebrow raised. She was always the one questioning him, and most of the time Phil appreciated her keen gaze and willingness to disagree - but not this time. It was Halloween night, which meant it was way, way too late to change the plan.

“Of course.” Phil straightened his tie. “Now remember -”

“Stay in position,” Piper finished with a sigh. “You’ve told us six times in the last five minutes.”

“Seven times, actually,” Daisy corrected. Figured she and Piper would be the ones actually keeping count.

“I wouldn’t have to keep reminding you if you were paying attention,” Phil answered smoothly, looking to the back of the room where Fitz and Simmons were arguing about something. Probably the fog machine, since they had seen it and immediately started bickering. Those two were too smart for their own good - and Phil didn’t mean it as a compliment.

“Fine,” Bobbi huffed, pulling on her mask. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Phil suspected he wasn’t intended to hear that part, so he didn’t respond - simply left Bobbi and the rest of his underlings to finish putting on their costumes and get into position. 

He tossed one last look over his shoulder, and when he saw Hunter zipping up Mack’s costume, he was content everyone was resigned to their fate. Now he just needed to get Melinda into position.

\---

“Phil.” Melinda had her arms crossed over her chest, and she looked decidedly displeased with being lead down a dim hallway. “What did you do?”

“Just made a haunted house like I was supposed to!” Phil insisted, lips quirking upwards. True, an empty set of offices on the fifth floor wasn’t exactly a haunted  _ house _ , but haunted office building didn’t have the same ring to it.

Melinda gave a long-suffering sigh, but Phil could see the smile hiding just underneath her mask of neutrality. She was looking forward to what was about to happen, whether she would say so or not.

“Ladies first,” Phil said as he opened the door.

Music began blaring from the speakers set up near the entrance, and Melinda startled at the sudden, loud noise.

_ I was working in the lab, late one night - _

Fitz and Simmons emerged on cue, both dressed in their lab gear - but with some key differences. Fitz was wearing elbow-length black rubber gloves and Jemma’s hair was teased incredibly high. Both of them wore black eye makeup to give them the ‘mad scientist’ vibe Phil had been going for.

“Phil,” Melinda hissed as they continued walking through the “haunted house”, the sound still playing over the stereos.

“Keep watching.”

The rest of the department's employees paraded through the haunted house at the appropriate times, completely in sync with the music. Daisy made a convincing Frankenstein, Bobbi was dressed as a zombie, and Mack’s wolf-man howl was better than Phil could’ve ever asked for. Everyone’s hair and makeup was superb, and they looked downright monstrous - but in the kitschy way the song demanded of them. There was no way Melinda was going to be scared by any of this, but that hadn’t been his goal.

She wasn’t scared, but Melinda looked like she wanted to throttle Hunter when he came into view with a pair of hideous fake plastic fangs stuck in his mouth. She also looked like she was on the verge of belly-laughter, so Phil was considering it a win.

Then it was time for the grand finale.

Phil grabbed the costume he had stashed behind an abandoned desk, throwing it on as the final chorus of  _ The Monster Mash _ began to play.

_ You can do the mash, then you can monster mash! _

He and everyone else did the group dance he had been making them practice for the last two weeks. Judging by the look on Melinda’s face, it had the desired effect. She still looked somewhat confused and maybe a bit angry, but she was smiling -  _ really _ smiling, not the closed-lip half-smile she gave when she thought a smile was necessary but didn’t really want to give one.

When the music faded, Phil approached Melinda again, panting and costume slightly askew from when Fitz had bumped into him in the middle of the dance. It had been the one thing that hadn’t gone quite to plan, but if one errant dance move was all the bad that had happened, Phil was happy.

“So what did you think of it?” he asked.

“It wasn’t very haunted,” Melinda said flatly. Her eyes were still sparkling with the traces of her earlier smile.

“It wasn’t really supposed to be.”

“How did you manage a full musical theatre production in two weeks?” Melinda asked, looking around. The decorations themselves were pretty sparse, just a few fake spider webs and some glowing orange lights, but Phil had hoped minimal decorations would help draw attention to his amazing Monster Mash choreography.

“It’s a secret.”

“You could never keep secrets from me.”

“I could too!” Phil protested. “How about I tell you over dinner?”

Melinda looked shocked. Honestly, Phil was shocked, too. Using the haunted house to ask Melinda out had always been a part of the plan, but he hadn’t actually expected himself to go through with it. (Neither had anyone else, really, which was why they had all groaned and complained so much about their rehearsals and being a part of the haunted house in the first place.)

“...Sure,” she said after what might’ve been the longest five seconds of Phil’s life.

“Great. Awesome.” he smoothed his tie town nervously. “I’ll pick you up next Friday? Seven o’clock?”

“Sounds like a plan… Igor.” Melinda smiled again, another real smile, before pivoting and threading her way back through the haunted house.

It wasn’t until she was nearly out of the office building that Phil realized what she had said. 

“Wait - I wasn’t Igor!”


End file.
